Stress and No Work and Also Boxes and Rant Topics

So, break is here. Huzzah. Massive celebration all around.

There are only a few problems. Due to drama, I'm stressed. And also, I have not been working lately. Why? Because I live in Northern Alberta. The plains! The Prairie Ice Box! Where the weather is usually colder than minus twenty.

You know what that means? Yeeeessssss, no work for me! The car wash closes at temperatures colder than minus twenty... and though I do not look forward to working, I have so far lost four shifts. That is a minimum of 160 dollars. My paycheck is non-existent at this point. This means I get to go find myself either A) A new job or B) A second job.

Or my parents could win the lottery.

Either or.

In other news, I have been thinking about what I would like to rant about for Rant Like Rick. I want it to be a humorous topic and also an original topic. I thought about doing one about Facebook but that's only been done six million times. The winner last year did one about Facebook, so I'm sure they're getting tired of that, as well. This also leaves out graduation and choosing a university.

I thought about doing one about boxes, but being totally serious about it. Or there's always the good old toaster dial rant, which I still admit is genius.

Or I could even try with the Blu Ray rant. :/

It's So Close to Break I Can Almost Taste It.

Here I was the other day talking about blogging every day and it's been... probably a week since I last blogged.

I have to make this one quick, because school starts soon and I have to get going.

So, yesterday I was at the car wash, as usual on a Tuesday, and I have been seeing this pattern with customers that goes a little something like this:

Customer: I'd like a car wash
Me: Sure, which one would you like? *Points to sign with washes on it*
Customer: *Mind explodes* W-what? *Twitch* More than one? Ummm... uhhhh.... Oh God, I hate decisions.  You can't just pick one for me?
Me: -_-; Just pick a wash, it's not that hard.

It's actually kind of funny how long people take to compare the different washes even though they're all essentially the same, except they get more soap and water as they progress into higher prices.

~~

Other than that, I'm slowly getting everything I need done this week done.  I finally finished the newspaper articles for social studies.  I should have finished the personal response for English last night, but I didn't have the time :/ I figure I can churn something out this class and finish everything else tonight.... Slowly but surely finishing up.

Every day I wake up tired.  I can't wait for break... it's so close, yet so far away.

I Should Start Blogging Daily

Not only will it help with my writing skills (which, believe me, could use all the help they can get), but it would also serve as a good hobby. 

I've been trying to think of a good idea to write for a short story for a contest at the library.  The theme is gifts, and while it seems easy enough, I want to take it out of the realm of simply gift giving and make it something more meaningful.

After reading the "Machine of Death" my eyes have been opened to the multitude of possibilities for exploring a topic.  There is more to a gift than giving something.  And if something has been given, does it need to be physical? They don't necessary have to be giving or receiving a gift, but an onlooker of an exchanging of gifts.  The gift could come with fine print.  There are so many possibilities, and yet my mind is limiting me to the simple aspect of receiving a gift.  Why?

Also, I signed up for Figment.com.  I wrote a short, nearly-400-word long story for the flash5 contest, and I already have a follower.  The only problem is that in that contest there are so many people have entered it that my entry has been drowned by the mass of others that seem to keep appearing every ten seconds.  :/ I only had one person look at it before it got forgotten.  How sad.

I was reading a couple of posts from the journal entries we did for English class.  One of the students in my class has been posting all of his on the blog our English teacher started, and boy, are they ever clever.  Not only are his throughts well organized but he's an amazing story teller.  I want my journals to be more like that.

Anyway: Hello, procratination.

I'm supposed to be writing two newspaper articles about events that took place years ago and apply/discuss the principles of liberalism in each one.  I pick one subject and write two articles on it... why? So I can write it in two different points of view.

I decided to do the New Poor Law, because it was first on the list, and I also found it kind of interesting when I looked at it.  So, there we go.  I guess I will have to do the newspaper article in the POV of the poor and the POV of the rich, and somehow relate it back to liberalism.

I like Social Studies, I just don't like its projects :/

Cellular Facebook and Stress.

Whoever deemed it appropriate for most phones to have a Facebook application was an imbecile.  I use it every once in a while, but it is a gateway into obsessive documentation.  Does anyone else find it creepy that one can now use Facebook whilst using the facilities?

Not that you couldn't do that before with laptop computers, but not as many people take laptops into the bathroom as they do cell phones.

Also, the guy who came up with the idea of buttonless televisions was also an idiot.  Considering that one of the great problems of the nineties was laziness and remote-losing, who's idea was it to eliminate the only thing to change anything on the TV screen without a remote? It's not even a matter of who's lazy and who's not anymore: the problem is that there are no buttons to push!

~~

In other news I just want to purge my mind of all thoughts. 

School, work, grades, clubs, homework, graduation, lifeguarding, university choices, money, etc. 

I am so stressed.  And I feel ridiculous saying so.  I'm sure there are plenty of people with more on their plates than I... but I think I have a problem handling all of these things.  I wish it could be one or the other: Job or School.  I would gladly choose school over a job, but no.  Being a student is a full time job, adding more jobs on top of that... it's... augh.  Albeit I can do homework at my job, but usually the last thing I want to do after a day at school and a last block of idiots in Spanish class is smile at a bunch if idiot customers who are just wasting the time I could be using to study/do homework/get whatever relaxation I can. 

If I could quit I would.  I need the money for the potential Japanese trip, though, and insurance.  My mom might also be piling on my cell phone bill as well.

Life is hard.  Sometimes I can't wait for this part to be over.

This is supposed to be the best year of my life.  I have a lot more freedom, and I'm really enjoying that part, but when I get back into the swing of things with school and stuff... I just don't know what to do.  It's only been a month and I feel overwhelmed.

It's onlt been a month and I'm already freaking out about my grades not being over ninety percent.

I wish things didn't have to be so difficult.  I envy my dog.

God

I went for a walk around the lake with my friend yesterday, and I got on the topic of God.

It excites me to no end, because she recently accepted Christ as her saviour :) So now I have a close friend who feels how I feel about these sorts of things whom I can talk to whenever I want.  Not that I didn't have friends like that before, but they go to different schools :/

Anyway, we were talking about God and why he doesn't come down and talk to us in person.

She said "Because then it would be too easy.  It would be like using a walk-through on Phoenix Wright."

And the game analogy made perfect sense :P Video games about lawyers: More fun than you might believe :)

Then I talked to her about her begin a Catholic and what that was all about and she explained, after which we got into a long discussion about women and the bible and how they were and are viewed.

First of all: The Apple.

Yes, Eve may have eaten it first, and she may have gotten Adam to do it, but it was his own weakness that led him to take a bite.  Not only that, but you could also say that Satan was, in a way, leading Adam astray through Eve.  So, though she was the first one to do so, I do not think it's fair to place the entirety of the blame on her.  It is partly Adam's fault as well.  He knew better, he could have said no.

SAY NO TO FORBIDDEN FRUIT, KIDS.

Also, when it comes to creation, God created "Man" in his own image.  But does that mean that he created Adam with two legs, two arms and a face? Does that mean that God has two arms, two legs and a face? And, dare I say it, is that the reason God gave Adam his "Jewels"? Does that mean that God looks like a man and that's how he created Adam?  Is that to say that Men are somehow better than women in the fact that they look "more like God"?  To me, I think God is bigger than two legs, two arms and a face.  I think he's bigger than our imaginations have room for explanation of his physical appearance.

If you look at the difference between a man and a woman's outward, physical appearance there are only two: (And I'm pretty sure you can guess what these are).

So, being that there is such little difference, what did God mean by creating "Man" in his own image?  First   of all, I think "Man" is referencing to "Mankind" and by "his own image" I think it means more the spiritual aspects than the physical.  After all, didn't God breathe life into every one of us? Aren't we all a piece of God in some way? Creating man in God's own image... to me, that is saying that "Mankind is essentially good."

So, since the "image" isn't at all physical, I don't think this means man is any closer to God than woman.

Finally: Why Jesus came down as a Man.

Well, if you think about the time when he came down, and how women were received, it makes sense that he wouldn't come down as one.  I think of it more as strategy.  Jesus wasn't the perfect man or anything, but doesn't it make sense to be a man in a man's world? Why would he handicap himself and potentially have no one listen to him if he came as a woman? I mean, some people still didn't, but yeah...

I don't think of it as male superiority in this case, but God knows how people work... And back in that time, women weren't all that influential.

So, that's pretty much all we talked about.  Just because we got into the topic of how women were seen as temptresses because of the apple thing, and not as equal in value as man because man was created first "in God's image."

Well, you know what they say... God was saving the best for last :P

Grandma.

It's about time I revived this.  My mom told me a few weeks ago that I should start a blog.  She doesn't know that I already have one.

I went to visit Grandma in the home today.  It was difficult and the first thing I noticed was the smell of the halls, and that made it worse than it needed to be.  Grandma, at the time, was on the other end of the hall, walking.  That's all she does anymore.  She doesn't sit, she doesn't talk, she paces the hall.  From one end to the other, all day.

I remember one of the most prominent things about my Grandma was the fact that she was always humming.  She was always so happy and there was almost never a moment when she wasn't humming a tune of some sort.  She doesn't even do that anymore. 

Today she was in a good mood, and there were times when she would look right at me and I could almost see the flash of recognition in her eyes.  She would only look at you if she wanted to.  She wouldn't look if someone said "Do you remember Eryn?" and point in my direction.

It's so beautiful to see Papa and Grandma together.  You can definitely see that she still loves him.  Today she took a nap while we were there.  I didn't really want to stay, but I thought it would be a sin to wake her up when she was so tired. 

And as beautiful as it is to see them together, it's terribly, terribly sad at the same time.  The first thing my Papa did was take her hand and lead her around.  It... well, I don't know.  I almost cried.  I did cry.  I'm crying now.  I can't imagine losing your spouse like that.  Having them there but not there at the same time.  I love my Grandma so much, and it was hard to sit there and watch her.  She didn't respond to anything we said, she just sat and stared into the distance.

I can't say it was something I didn't expect, though.  I did expect it.  In fact, I think I expected worse.  My Mom described her as a withered old woman, but I thought she was just sweet.  Sweet and oblivious. 

After we came in from outside, after she had napped, my cousin and I walked the halls with her, hand in hand.  When we were walking down an old man stopped me, took my hand and told me "God Bless You."
He was crying.  It made me cry, too.  He was a really nice man.  I said "Thank You."

I wonder why he stopped me.  I wonder if he knew I was walking with my Grandma, or if he thought he recognized me...

All of the people in that ward were so nice, and I wasn't scared.  Usually I would have felt uneasy, but they all had the best of intentions.

When we left, Grandma gave Papa a hug, but she walked away before anyone else had the chance.  I don't mind.  I think I'll go back.  I don't need a hug to know that if she recognized me today, she loved me, and I loved her back.

What bothered me most is that when we were sitting and talking around her--because there really was no talking to her-- they kept asking me what I thought of my Grandma and about her condition.  I didn't feel comfortable talking about that in front of her, because no one knows what they're thinking.  Maybe they're completely coherent on the inside, and just can't express it on the outside.  It wouldn't be fair to talk about someone in third person if they're sitting right next to you, and the same goes for a person who can't respond.  It's a disease.  A horrible disease, but that doesn't change the person.  Grandma is there somewhere, even if she's not right there. 

I'm not really in the mood to type anything else. 

I love you, Grandma.  I think God prepared me for this day, he made me strong.  I just hope you're not hurting somewhere, because I don't think I could bear that.

God Bless You.

Speeches and Reasons for Motivation.

Recently I found myself watching a TED video with this twelve year old girl on it preaching about how adults should think more like children.  While I agree that she had a good point... it reminded me of how much I could be doing.

The only issue with that is that it's a lot harder than it looks to be recognized.  It's not like I want to be famous, I just want to be able to do something good for the world.  Or even just say something motivational to a large group of people.  I want to be able to know I've done something.

One of my dreams, believe it or not, has always been to deliver a grad speech in front of my fellow graduates.  One of those motivational, inspiring speeches that really gets people thinking.  Unfortunately, I think the only one who gets to deliver a speech on the night of grad is the grad president.  I ran for grad president, and we all (all... blogging is like talking to yourself. Haw.) know how that turned out.  Not good.  So needless to say I'll be just a tad disappointed if the grad president is the only one who gets to deliver a speech.  Ok, majorly disappointed.  But what can you do, right? She is a friend of mine, mind you we're not particularly close, but I might be able to pull some strings.  I already know that she gets to MC all the grad events, and I've always wanted to MC something too.  Don't ask me why.  I'm warped that way.

If it ever happens, I'll let you know.  Things like this have always been my way of thinking.  I've always wanted to try everything.  In fact, at a very young age, I wanted to ride every mode of transportation I could think of.  I wanted to be able to bike, roller blade, skateboard and skooter.  I wanted to try being a firefighter, a police officer, a doctor and a lawyer.  I wanted to bungee jump and skydive and drive a car really fast down the road.  I suppose you could call me a bit of an adventurous kid, and that has never left me.  In fact, if it weren't for my paralyzing fear of fires, getting shot, heights, bad arguments and pain in general I could still try all those things.  I've always wanted to try everything.  I still do.  Even now I have done things I told myself I would never do just so I could say "I did it."

This trend has continued through my years.  I don't know if I'm ambitious or adventurous or just curious.  Actually, it must be curiosity.  I think more than anything I want to know what it's like to do these things.  Like, when I was younger I also put my hand on a metal fireplace door to know what it was like.  I put my finger under a rocking chair while I was sitting on it to know what it was like.  I've done a lot of ridiculously stupid things for the sake of knowing what it was like. 

I think this has grown into the world.  My world has expanded, and now that I've seen pretty much everything there is to see of Alberta: (West Ed, Royal Tyrel Museum, The Lloydminister Pylons and even the Vegreville Easter Egg) and a lot of Canada: (Bay of Fundi, Signal Hill, Niagra Falls, Snow, the Colourful houses of St. Johns, the Badlands etc.), now I want to know the world. 

Which brings me back to my childhood dream of trying everything.  I want to try every country and every language. 

Unfortunately, not long ago I realized this would be impossible.  Because life is too short to do everything you want to do.  Especially since I've wasted a good portion of it sitting in the same place and not being motivated enough to do anything like learn the things I want to learn.  I'm trying harder, now, but it's going to take a bit for me to get where I want to be in life.

I'm going to work my hardest to be happy and have experienced as much as I can in life.  :)  Except skydiving.  I just don't think I could swing that. 

Computer Troubles and Lost in Transition.

This week is looking up.  Monday is going to be a balmy 10 degrees celcius! Looking forward to that :)  I hope the snow stays away this time.  But March isn't over yet, it came in nicely... so you know what they say "If March comes in like a Lamb, it goes out like a Lion" and vice versa. 

Anyway, my computer is still Toast.  I need to find a job.  But the more times I say that, the more I'm going to put it off.  I do not like working.  The money is nice, but it's also nice to be able to sit at home and relax and/or go to friends houses and/or go to movies from time to time instead of "Can't do that, I have to work".

Oh well. 

I lost a good sixty or so songs when I tried to convert my iPod from "Sync" to "Manually Manage Music" (Alliteration, yay!).  I don't know which ones I lost.  I do know that all of my Hetalia character songs were lost, but that only amounts to 24 or so... and I got those back from my friend's computer.  I am glad I switched it over to Manually Manage Music because I also stole a whole bunch of really good songs from my friend.  Songs that I wanted, but never had the means to get (because I don't have a youtube converter and none of them were on itunes.  Stupid itunes, so uncultured it is.)

A song I really like: Beethoven Virus.  Look it up on youtube, it's so awesome!

Oh, and that's another problem with my computer.  Can't find itunes anymore.  Every time I clicked it, it would say "Program not found".

I hate viruses.

That's how I lost my songs, I failed to back some of them up on my external harddrive.  Here's hoping I have everything I wanted from my computer, because there's no getting it now.

I worked at a convention for teachers on Thursday and Friday.  I gained eight dollars in tips, and ten pounds in chocolate, I'm sure.  Oh, and I made 225 dollars for working there.  It was great, and a lot of fun.  I got to hang out with all of my club friends, and we get along really well.  There were so many jokes and conversations that I wish I could remember so I could put it down here. 

The teacher that was running it became the cool teacher list when he knew what Doctor Horrible's Sing Along Blog was, and when he knew the words to the songs.  Seriously. 

And I discovered the best pokemon joke in the world: A Metapod and a Kakuna are sent into battle.  The Metapod says: "Well, it seems we are caught in a battle of wits!"

I might be the only one who laughs at that, but I grew up in the prime time for pokemon, so don't judge.

I also bought Pokemon Heart Gold with some of the money I made from the convention.  I am a psychic trainer, so I plan on getting two Gastlies, a Butterfree, an Abra, a Chikorita, and one of the legendaries (if the legendary is not possible, I will replace it with Eevee.)

So, my entire party won't be psychic, but you can't have all of one type of pokemon.  It's just a bad idea.  The reason I want two Gastlies is that if one Gastly has Dream Eater and the other has Nightmare, you've got a pretty kick-ass combination right there.  If both of them have curse, you're practically unstoppable, assuming that the pokemon you're against can be put to sleep using hypnosis. 

Anyway, enough of my pokemon raving.  I have been in a writing type of mood lately, but I have to write everything out by hand, which I hate doing.  It takes me a good hour to write out two pages by hand, I could cut that time in half (or even cut it into quarters) if I had a computer to type it on.  Now, I could do that upstairs, but the people in the household tend to watch me when I'm on the computer, and I don't like being watched while I type.  It makes me nervous.

Gone Like the Wind.

Not the movie.

I gave my lizard away last night.  I'm not very happy about this turn of events, but ever since I got my lizard my mom has been pestering me to give him away because it's hard to travel without someone to take care of him. 

Defending my case: I never wanted to give him away, I eventually let my mom have her way.

The woman I gave my lizard to seemed responsible enough, though.  She has a snake, some guinea pigs, a dog and a cat.  From what I saw of the snake and the cat, they were both happy and healthy.  I never got to see the other animals.  Hopefully I did the right thing.

The only thing that gave me a queasy feeling was the fact that she had a ouiji board on the table in her living room, but then again that's not going to determine whether or not she will be a good pet owner.

I guess I just feel bad because my lizard was like my redemption for all the other pets my mom gave away.  And I gave him away too.  I don't know...

Lately my best friend seems to be avoiding me, too.  And every time I act like myself she gives me this weary "Eryn!", like she's self-conscious around me.  Now I'm self conscious to be around her, and I don't know why! She seems angry or annoyed at me or something. 

I also just feel really irresponsible, because everything I say I'm going to do doesn't get done.  I don't know why I'm even bothering running for grad president anymore, because I'm such a procrastinator.  I can't even take care of a pet for that long without ending up giving it away!

So, between Guilt, Self-consciousness and Irresponsibility, I'm pretty much wallowing in self-loathing right now. 

Presidency

I'm going to run for Grad president.  It should be fun.  I don't really care if I lose, and I'd like to win--but I'm not expecting to, so it won't be such a big deal if I don't.

I found the perfect vice president, her marks are lacking, but she's charismatic and outgoing.  She's the perfect counter-part for me, because she doesn't really care if the other people are "more popular" than her.  I have this internal social structure, and if I consider myself under someone I get intimidated. 

So, she'll be good.  I just hope that if we get elected we get the job done.  Also, if I get elected, I can put it on scholarship applications and resumes. 

VOTE FOR ME!

Another One Bites the Dust

I sat "bites the dust" because this is what my computer has done, and I say "another" because it works out with Queen.  I'm currently on the family computer upstairs, I'm too afraid to turn mine on.  I backed everything up, though, so I'm going to try to wipe it.  I just hope that whatever viruses I had didn't get transferred to my computer.

Anyway, today my mom put an add on Kijiji for my lizard, and someone replied right away.  I feel like a terrible person, I don't want to give my lizard away, but my parents won't stop nagging me... Every time we leave town it's a pain trying to find someone to take care of the lizard for me.  I almost feel like crying.  I love my lizard, even if we don't really interact all that often (it's not really necessary, he can't be away from his heat lamp long, anyway.  He likes to have his head stroked... T.T).

The Japanese exchange student at my school came to anime club today, as well.  I was incredibly jealous the entire time because we always watch the animes in japanese with subs, but she could just understand it.  :( I'll just have to work on my Japanese.

I've decided the next language I want to start learning is German.  It sounds cool, and very similar to English.

I told my mom the story about my friends boyfriend today, who--long story--got accused and suspended from school on account of drug possession and dealing.  I believe that he's a good guy, and while it was a stupid move for him to have drugs, he wasn't dealing them.  I KNOW he wasn't dealing them, and now he's facing jailtime and expulsion from school.  In the inbetween-time between court and suspension I was going to help him with his math.  My mom didn't sound impressed that I would still associate with him, but she says she trusts my judgement, so I'll just have to see.  I really, honestly and truly believe he just made a really stupid mistake.  Someone who just doesn't like him took his mistake to their advantage and accused him of dealing.  I don't want him to fall behind in school, not if I can help it, and if I can help, I want to try.  I'm the only other one they know who's in his math class.  I don't know.  I'm going to help regardless, but my mom said she'd prefer if I just didn't...

I also did an in-class essay today for social, which I had been having anxiety about for the last few days.  Well, I went in, wrote it and I think I did pretty well.  At least, I hope so.  I stated understanding of the source, my argument and some evidence, so... here's hoping *fingers crossed*.

My friend (whose boyfriend was accused blah blah long story) is living in a trailor now.  Her mom and her mom's boyfriend broke up, so they moved out.  On a slightly off-topic note, I'm amazed I'm still friends with her.  She considers me her best friend, and she's a really good friend of mine.  A few years ago I confessed to my art teacher in grade nine that I didn't think we'd be friends in highschool, but here we are.  I'm really glad we are.  She's my best hanging-out buddy.

That's the thing about friends, there are the friends who are very specialized: the mall friend, the movie friend, the sleepover friend; and then there are the general friends.  The ones who are all around and do everything.  That's what she is to me. 

I need a job, so I think this weekend I will go job hunting.  I was considering applying at a Starbucks or an Esquires, because they smell good, and they're kind of small.  They wouldn't be busy all the time, and I think it's a job I could handle.  I'm still going to hand in a resume at the anime store to see what happens, but I'm not even sure if I'd want a job there anymore.  It's hard to explain, but it'd be weird working there, since I hang out there a lot.

I'm working at a teachers thing next weekend too, so I should be making a couple hundred dollars.  I'm going to be a hostess, so I'll trolley food around to everyone.  Looking forward to it.  Money=Yay!

I'm also not doing bad for funds.  Since I quit my job and paid my parents off for three months of insurance I still have over 700 dollars to spend on car funds.  I need to get gas soon, so with the next fill-up it'll drop below 7.

That's about it, I was going to go to bed early tonight but then I came upstairs and got on the computer.  So, I ought to go.

OH! I also got my last math unit exam back and I got an 88% on it.  Not bad. 

I Hate Math

If I've said it before, I'll say it again: I absolutely, positively, 100%, no doubt about it HATE MATH.

I'm sitting at an 82.

And before you tell me that those are great marks and nothing to be ashamed of, consider this:

Last year, I made the principals list (meaning I had an overall average of over ninety percent).  I want to make that again this year.  I barely managed to get an 81 in physics, and now I'm scraping by with an 82 in math.  Not my strong point.

It really ticks me off, too, because most of the time I get 100% on all of my homework assignments in math, and I get really REALLY good marks on the quizzes, like 85 + most of the time, but it's like THEY DON'T EVEN MATTER.  Why is it that the most work I do in class and do the best on is only worth a combined total of thirty percent of my grade for that unit? It just doesn't seem fair! Especially since they don't offer rewrites on the infamous unit exam, which accounts for 70% of your final mark for an entire unit.  That's two or more weeks of work there, all boiling down to that pinnacle point of extreme importance.  If you bomb it, you're screwed... for the rest of the semester.

I just don't get it.  Especially because whenever I do these unit exams, they word the questions differently, or notch up the difficulty level.  Why?! Do you purposely want me to fail your class? Do you want me to flunk out of highschool, never get to university/college, end up with a job at McDonalds and get fired for stealing a toy and then end up being the homeless guy that digs out of the trash cans for old glass bottles to bring to the bottle depot for spare change? Is that what you want?!?!?

Or maybe you just don't want me to get the scholarship money so I can't AFFORD to go to college/university, end up with a job at McDonalds... (see above scenario).  The world is against me.

I mean, I try, I really, really do.  I hand everything in on time, I even STUDY for math.  For me, that's saying a lot.  I never study for anything.  I. Hate. Math.

On another, less number related topic: I have to change all of my passwords (because they're all the same... >.>) and my last one was really good.  It was long and something no one would ever guess.  Except I told my mom what it was so she could log into my youtube account to show my rant to every Bob and Joe she knows.  Soon everyone in the city will know I entered a contest, watch my rant, and reply to me saying they got lost because they don't know what paradox means.

Really, people? It's called Dictionary.com.  It's a wonderful website, you should check it out sometime.  I hope I had the definition right when I used it, though >.>

Yep, I used it properly: PARADOX n. a statement or proposition that seems self-contradictory or absurd, but in reality expresses a possible truth.

Anyway, tomorrow another eight hour drive awaits me.  I still have to rewrite that essay, but whatever.  I'll get it done sometime in that long road trip of doooooom. 

I don't feel very good right now...

Phantasmagoria!

Is a new favorite word.  Thanks, word of the day on Dictionary.com!

Well, I'm still procrastinating from finishing that homework I've been reluctant to do since I got it.  And I'm still procrastinating from packing that stuff which needs to be packed... ohhh... *checks watch* ten minutes ago.

My family and I are heading off this afternoon to visit zee Grandparents in the province over.  Should be a good time, we're stopping in Edmonton this evening, which is kind of a downer because we won't have time to go to the mall.  Everyone knows that the mall is the best part about Edmonton!

Anyway, I'm looking forward to it.

A list of Eryn's favorite words in order from most favorite to least favorite (1 being most, anything after that becoming less and less):
1. Phenomenological (discovered in a French-English dictionary)
2. Phantasmagoria (Dictionary.com's word of the day for March 10)
3. Button. 

I'm seeing a pattern emerge here.

I also found this really neat Vocaloid song online.  The person who made the song used a language they created.  It's really inspired me.  I'm going to create my own language, and it'll be an immense pain and incredibly difficult! Oh well, I've got five hours this afternoon with nothing to do, MIGHT AS WELL INVENT A LANGUAGE, EH?

Oh, and I finally finished my rant for that contest which will remain unnamed.  As soon as they email me back with an answer to my enquirey I will be able to send it in.  *Twiddles thumbs*  I hope I win.  I'll let y'all know if I do.

Trip Down Nostalgia Lane

So I was looking through my old memory box and I found my pokemon card collection, among other things, which brought back fond memories of my kindergarten-grade two days.  I remember opening each pack of cards and how excited I would feel when I got new ones.

It was so long ago, it's almost hard to believe that used to be me.  It's kind of sad that I'll never be able to live in those times again, but it's nice to have those memories.  I'm going to show my pokemon cards off now, because they're amazing.

Looking through my memory box made me happy.

Why?

If you're thinking: Oh, it's one of those depressing journals, you're right, it is.

I feel... sluggish.  I can't even type quickly.  I'm halfway between crying and throwing up, and I don't know if I'm sad, angry or indifferent at the moment.

I don't know what to do right now other than sleep, I see no point in even continuing the day.

I'd bother all those who read my journal (which amounts to three if anyone checks...) with the story behind it, but we'll leave it at life in general happened.  Welcome to Eryn's HELL, where some days become increasingly worse, and the rest of the days are the same.  Nothing will ever get better, life isn't going to be how it used to be.

By George, I keep thinking that the rest of my life is going to be exciting, but ha.  It's not going to be exciting if I can't ever end the day without being depressed and shit.

I can't even have one happy day.  Not one good thing in my life can pass by without something happening to ruin it all.

I mean, frick, I'm just trying to get by...

Fourteen Posts on the Fourteenth.

This will make it the fifteenth, and it's not technically the fourteenth yet... so I guess it doesn't count.

But if I hadn't bothered to post, it would have been fourteen posts on the fourteenth.  Then again, after this post there will be fifteen posts and Monday is the fifteenth so... fifteen posts on the fifteenth.  It has a nicer ring to it, I think.

Today's word to remember how to spell is Labyrinth. 

Labyrinth

Labyrinth

Labyrinth

Got it.  Miscellaneous.  Still got that one too.

Anyway, today I assisted in teaching very young children swimming lessons.  It was extremely boring.  All we did was front floats and back floats and bubble blowing.  I don't think I'll enjoy teaching those kinds of lessons when I finally get a job.

That's about it for now, I'm actually working on my story, and I don't want to stay up past midnight.  I have to get as much out of this creative burst as I can.

Oh, it's thanks to a movie I recently watched.  I'd review it in depth now, but I haven't got the time.  It was good, though.  Not fantastic, not excellent, but it did make me laugh, and it gave me a little bit of inspiration to write, which hasn't happened in a while.

EDIT: It might be a good idea to add the movie title.  It was called "Valentine's Day" and it had an amazingly large cast of well-known celebrity faces. 

The End and Exchanges

You know, it doesn't matter how happy of an ending it is, it's still sad.  I invariably end up watching the end of the series right before bed, too. 

I just finished Avatar (not the movie), and there were a few things that irked me.

First of all: Why would they have a whole episode about blood bending if it was never going to be mentioned again? Sure, Katara was scarred for life because she accidentally used it on the old lady, but if there's going to be a whole episode about it, there might as well be some sort of relevance later on.  I mean, really.

Second of all: In the last episode, Zuko goes to visit his father in prison and asks him "where is my mother?"  The episode doesn't even wait for his father to reply, it's just an incident in which the anime leaves that for YOU to decide.

Even though there's still plenty more episode left to at least touch on that subject.

Third of all: I could see how that was going to end from a mile away.  The other parts in the anime did well in terms of originality and story-line (ok, so some of it was pretty cliche, but I didn't mind) but the end was so overdone and redundant that it was like "We could have saved ourselves the cost of an extra episode if we had cut the fluff everybody already KNOWS is going to happen."

This is just me, though.

It makes me want to watch an anime with an impacting ending... like Code Geass. 

So today, at school, a man came in and talked about an exchange program to Japan.  To be honest, I was excited at first, but now I'm not so sure if I want to go.  I don't want to risk missing out on my graduation, and it's a scary thought.  I don't think I'd do well in a country where I can hardly communicate, not to mention my skills in Japanese are still sub-par. 

As I explained to the man who was talking to us about it, I know the structure and some basic conjugation, I just don't have the vocabulary.  It took me quite a few years to build up even a basic vocabulary in French, so I'm not expecting Japanese to be the same way.

I think it would be a good experience, though, I just don't think I'm ready for it now.  Plus, next year the anime club is only going to have three or four members if we don't recruit any grade tens, so they'll need me there to help plan our anime convention.  I think there are exchange programs in colleges and the like as well, so maybe I will just have to wait it out.

Speaking of anime club and school, today I found out that Google Earth finally has street views of my city.  We checked in my humanities class, and we found the highschool.  The picture was taken sometime in the summer: the grass was green, the sky was a clear and calm blue.  The school was empty.  All was well with the world.

Except in the picture, there happened to be a homeless man digging through the trash can in the yard. 

All I could think was: "Yes, this definitely encompasses this city and this school, now everyone who looks at it on Google Earth until they update the pictures will know exactly what we're all about."

It was just sort of ironic, maybe? I don't know how to explain it any other way.  But as sad as it was, it was also very comical, even the teachers were giggling.  Apparently that guy hangs around our trash cans often.

I'm really enjoying the new semester of school.  Drama is most excellent, and animation is good--definitely better than chemistry or physics.  I just need to get over being such a perfectionist, because I won't be able to do a character sketch if I keep erasing it because it's not good enough.  I was trying to draw something cute and sketchy, but it just turned out badly, so I drew a bird and coloured it green.  It's not finished, but so far it's not half bad.

Hopefully I can get that done soon.

In the meantime, I should probably get some sleep.

Oh, and just one thing.  My humanities mark went down a percent.  If you round it up, it's still a ninety--which is where I want to be--but if I keep slipping my overall average will keep slipping too.  My goal is to have a ninety percent by the end of the school year, I hope it works out.

Things Were Pretty Blah Today.

I did my monologue in drama, and I think I did well.  I'm still not the greatest in the group, but I did get a few cheers, so I'm  not going to complain.  I'll just have to work at it.

I didn't mention my monologue previously, did I?  Whoops, well, I did V's first scene from V for Vendetta.  You know the one--the one with all the V's.

You can look it up on Youtube.

There was something I saw while I was grocery shopping with a friend today that kind of bothered me.  Now, the words inside (or on the covers of) fan magasines aren't necessarily the most reputable and/or trustworthy source of information on the daily lives of celebrities, but a certain title popped out to me.

"Suri's 3.5 million dollar wardrobe."

What the crap? All I could think of is that... well, someone could do some really good things with 3.5 million dollars, but the fact that they've spent it all on a six or seven year old's clothes?

It just bothered me.  I can't really explain it--and call me greedy--but I thought of all the things I could do with how much Suri's wardrobe cost.  The places I could go, the people I could meet...

And then I thought about how many starving people could be fed for a week with that kind of money!

It just seems stupid that so much money should be spend on clothing FOR A GROWING CHILD.  She's going to grow out of this stuff in a YEAR.

I'm so frustrated with the way the world turns.

Other than that, nothing really happened today.  Life is blah.

I Know What You're Thinking.

But I don't, I did it to sound creepy. 

Well, I feel bad for my last post, I love my mom, I really do.  Sometimes we just don't see eye to eye, and that's mostly because of my misunderstandings.

I know what I want to be in life.  Or, rather, I know what I don't want to be. 

I don't want to be what life has handed me.  Life has handed me technology, mindless entertainment, and thoughtless existences.  I don't want to be like that.  I don't want to be lazy, or inactive (so I'm going to start working out more often), I don't want to be amused simply by movies and nonsense, and I definitely don't want to be a mindless zombie.

Another thing I don't want to be, and I don't want the entire human race to be is: Lazy with English spellings.

I REFUSE TO ALLOW CHAT SPEAK TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

In other news, I'm reading a book for English called Night, by Elie Wiesel.  It's a pretty good book.  But I have to go... *sigh* oh well.

I Don't Know What to Call This.

Post removed on account of RAAAAAAGE!

Insomnia is Not Fun.

Well, I haven't been able to sleep well for the last few days.  I'm starting to think I shouldn't have watched paranormal activity.

T minus one year before I'm back to normal, me thinks.

Watching other horror movies while this is still bothering me is not such a good idea, either.  But this movie is pretty lame, so lame, in fact, that I can't even remember the title.

Life is boring.

I thought it'd be pretty cool to try out for a voice acting part from funimation.  My dreams were crushed by a checlist.

A) I don't live in texas.
B) I don't have professional live acting/voice acting experience.
C) I am not eighteen and I don't have parental consent. 

And so, life is boring, and there's really not much I can do about it.

SPCA

Well, it's been a while since I posted anything. 

Today I realized that I am much more proficient at French than I thought I was.

I also did nothing but drive people around and play DDR.  It was not the most exciting of all days.  I am really looking forward to getting back to school.

My friends and I tried to find the SPCA, so my friend could adopt a rabbit.  It only took us, ohhh, half an hour to an hour to figure out where it was.  When we finally got there, my friend didn't see a bunny that she liked.  There were some beautiful dogs, though, and some really cute puppies.

It was an adventure at the very least--if not a complete waste of time and gas.

I also went to the library, which is pretty awesome I might add.  It has underground parking. 

That's about it.

Tension in the Household.

My parents are very unimpressed with my brother's marks.  I'm surprised as well, they've dropped quite a bit.

My brother is addicted to video games.  There's no other explaination for it.  Everything in the outside world means jack shit to him.  Usually when I goof around with him he laughs, but now he just gets annoyed, all the time.  He's become a totally different person: moody and depressed.

It's become prevalent in the last year or so, he's definitely not the same.  All he ever does is play that game.  It really sickens me, I want to see him do well, but all he wants to do is play, play, play.

I can kind of see him as a different version of myself.  The world sucks, we both know this, but what makes us different is that I want to change the world to make it suck less, and he just wants to sit on a video game all day to forget about it.

I want to tell him there's more to the world than this.  There's more to the world than just school and angry parents and shitty grades and shitty this and shitty that.  There's more to the box we live in now, you just have to learn to live IN the box before you can live OUT of it.

It's ok to forget about the world, but not as often as he does.

I want to tell him that, the way he's going, he's going to end up out of our box and into an even shittier one.  I want to see him do well, you know, succeed, and eventually move out of the house.  I'd hate to see his dreams crushed because of these stupid video games.

In my opinion, video games should never have been invented.  They should only be used by an individual that plays them with moderation and leaves time set aside for other things.  Video games are evil.

Just a Thought

The world is a beautiful place.  Every moment is a picture.  Each picture is unique and fantastic in its own way.  Just think--there will never be another moment like it.

I think scenery should be enjoyed, even if you live in an incredibly boring city filled with incredibly rude people. 

That's about it.  I'm going swimming tomorrow morning again.  I think finding a friend who actually wanted to go swimming with me was a good idea, I might commit to exercising every morning.

I'm in the mood to write.

How Convenient.

Miscellaneous.

See? I remembered.

Anyway, I was just thinking today that it is SO convenient all of these famous historic people kept diaries about what happened.  We're studying WW1, and I can't remember whose diary we were talking about, but whoever it was didn't want to punish Germany all that severely for the damages done to France.  I remember there were a whole lot of other diaries and letters that these people wrote that helped us look into the war in more detail.

I'm not trying to say "Conspiracy!", but you have to admit, it's pretty convenient.

I guess it's a good thing to keep a diary, that way if anyone in the future needs to know about something that you knew about, they could find out.  I'll consider this a diary.  It's not like I have anything secretive that I'd post on here, but most of my every-day life will be posted here.

Jealousy is a terrible emotion.  I dislike it greatly.  Right now I'm jealous of my friend, who basically has a dream job when she wasn't even looking for one--just because she can draw well.  Either that or she's just super-cute all the time.  I don't know.  It's really irking me, though.

I don't want her to feel bad, because it's not her fault she's just blessed in everything.  (Well, not everything, but a lot of things.  We'll call her "lucky").  *Sigh* As soon as I become a lifeguard I can quit worrying about these things.

Today, someone slipped on the ice at my school outside of the portables and happened to hurt their back.  I was there, and I saw them slip, and I tried to help (because I know first aid), but the thing is...I just kind of froze.  That's when the school-first-aid kid from my class showed up and kind of took over.  I didn't know... well I did know what to do, but it was like "She's the one who's SUPPOSED to help."

I stuck around, but they really didn't need me.

I'm so useless sometimes, I swear. 

Anyway, I've got a bunch of French homework I should be doing. 

I need a desk in my room, because it hurts like a son of a married couple when I sit on my bed stooped over like I am right now. 

GAAAHH.

Homework and Miscellaneousness.

My new project for the future is to remember how to spell miscellaneous off the top of my head.

Miscellaneous.

Miscellaneous.

It's a terrifically complicated word.

I have French and Social Studies homework.  I'm not really interested in doing it, but I figure the sooner I get 'er done, the sooner I'll be able to... slack off? I don't know.  My Dad is watching a movie right now, so I might join him if afterwards.

It all depends on how long this takes.

An annoying fact: I'm irritated with sentences that start with the letter I.  There are a lot of them in most of my post.  I was told that a good writer can vary their sentence beginnings, but I have a hard time with it.  Not only that, but I tend to ramble a lot and use, a, lot, of, commas.

That's about it.  I thought about posting some fun Japanese grammar stuff in here, but I really must do my homework before it's too late.

The Lovely Bones.

The scenery was beautiful, like, really well done.  At least I thought so, anyway. 

All together it was a well done movie, so I don't know what the reviewers are complaining about. 

I had a few quips.  First of all, the book was much more dramatic.  Second of all, the movie was twisting things into reverse for its own ends.  Third of all, they made Lindsey look like a teenage pregnancy.

She was not, by the way. 

I'm trying not to spoiler it.

In a way, I kind of feel like I did when I left Sherlock Holmes.  I was satisfied, but there was really only one thing that stood out to me.  For The Lovely Bones, it was the scenery and the effects, for Sherlock Holmes, it was the soundtrack.

I think I liked them both more than Avatar.  Of course, my opinion of Avatar is tainted--as I tend to adopt other people's opinions on movies as my own--and my friend wasn't all that impressed with it.  I thought the world-building in Avatar was phenomenal, but the story (as my friend tells me) was just "slapped in there because they thought of this great world and they wanted a movie to make out of it."

Looking at it this way, I know it's true, because how many times has that story line been done before?

The answer is a lot.

That's my movie news for now.  The winter movies of '09/'10 greatly surpassed the summer movies of '09. I wanted to cry at every summer movie I went to, and it wasn't because they were heart-warming tear-jerkers.

I Am a Fiendish Driver.

Today's course was sub-par.  It was not only boring, but drawn out, and rather pointless.  After four consecutive hours in the pool, I felt disgusting and kind of depressed.  I'm not sure if it was because I was feeling sick, bathing in other people's dead cells, or if was just overly bored, we may never know.

My hands are still recouperating from their recent wrinkle-y-ness.

As this post's name states, I am indeed a fiendish driver.  I'm one of those people who... how can I explain this? Well, I was at a four way stop, and the person who was after me decided to go before I was finished my turn, and thus continued on their way to ride my bumper.  I slowed down.  Then, when they tried to pass me, I sped up.

I do it all the time, people who want to speed, but can't because you're there, really tick me off. 

I'm going to go see "The Lovely Bones" tonight with my mom.  I'm pretty excited, it's been a while since we've been to a movie together.

For the moment, though, I'm tempted to take a good half hour nap (as that's all the time I have before the movie, at the moment).  My brain just informed me of my fatigue.

Here's hoping tomorrow's course isn't as pain-stakingly boring.  Everybody lost focus, including me.  Usually I'm pretty good at paying attention, but not today. 

I find myself looking forward to blogging.  It's actually kind of fun, even if no one reads it.

I Walk the Line.

I figured it was as good a blog post title as any, Johnny Cash, that is. I'm listening to it right now, and that's what he said when I clicked "New post". So I thought, why not?

Something to note: I clicked the shuffle button on my iPod, and it proceeded by playing the first song on my playlist. Yeah, originality FTW.

I'm pretty proud of myself, I got my marks back for something we did in my English class. It was basically like a forum, except we all got to be characters from the book "Tale of Two Cities". I was the Marquis St. Evremonde, and I was dead. Despite the fact that I wasn't around, I had an awesome time pretending to be watching everything unwravel from my "afterllife". I got fourteen out of fifteen on the assignment and got comments like: "Your voice was good, you were a thoroughly dead aristocrat" and "I never knew a snobby laugh could be spelled out until now"

I lost the sheet, but the point is, it made me laugh.

I had another course day, today. It was unbelievably boring, all we did was go through swim strokes. I'm so close to being done, though, it's exciting. Although it looks like I might need to be looking for a temporary replacement job. I'm thinking about applying at IGA. My friend's sister works there and she gets some awesome shifts, plus their lunch breaks are an hour long, that's enough time to go home!

So if my plan for lifeguarding right away falls through, I've got places I can apply at. I'm just not sure if I'll be able to use Best Buy as a reference, because I think they were hoping I'd reapply :/

Japanese club was fun today. We're making Kana boxes out of wood, and we picked out our boxes and such. When we were planning out how we wanted to make them, though, we couldn't speak English (meaning that every other language but Japanese was out, too). My communication consisted of "Hai, Iie, Kore? Koko? Nani?" A lot of questions, I know, but I don't know many verbs, and if I did, I can't conjugate them worth a darn anyway. Regardless, I was impressed with my skill to interpret what the teacher was saying. I can understand the language pretty well, I just can't speak it.

I did learn a new word, if I got the definition correct when he said it. "Doki" means "Where."

I also know the Kanji for Dog (Inu).

I need to work on my vocabulary for next week, though, I'm tired of not being able to communicate like the teacher and code-name chicken can. Benkyoushimasu o kudasai-yo!

If I spelled that correctly it should say "Study well, please!" If not, it was a learning experience. One always learns more through mistakes than anything else.

So!

So, this is a test, to see how it looks when I've published a blog post. I've decided that perhaps making a blog would be good for me. I've been told I should blog, plus, I think it'd be cool.

The name I chose for my blog "Say Hello to the World" or "Say Salut to the World" was chosen because that's exactly what I want to do, say hello to the world. (I had to use "Salut" in the blog address because "Say Hello to the World" was taken).

Although, whether this will actually happen or not is beyond me, I guess only God knows. It also depends on how long blogging will hold my interest.

I hope it does, I think it'll be interesting to see where this goes.